In a $3.12 billion business deal, Chicago’s biggest architecture firms have agreed to merge into a single partnership, then move the newly combined company to New York City.
The new firm will join the Windy City’s top 31 architecture firm into a single unit known as s/LS^gE+bF-fGA+W Services & Architects + Associates, Inc. LLC.
According to a report in Bloomberg Businessweek, the deal was sealed last Tuesday in a round of socially distant elbow bumps over creamed spinach in a private dining room at Ditka’s restaurant, just off Michigan Avenue.
Analyst Bim Modeler told Bloomberg the union was likely simple economics. “The cost savings from joining forces simply cannot be ignored. Together, they’ll save millions on Autodesk licenses alone.”
That speculation was backed up by s/LS^gE+bF-fGA+W’s new Chief Internal Optimization Facilitator, Becky Klazkowinzky. “Numbers don’t lie. We expect to realize at least six figure positive cash retention from optimizing our coffee supplies. With the added savings from Splenda, creamer, and wooden stirry sticks, we can buy logoed Yeti thermoses for everyone on the new team.”
The newly formed company intends to make a splash with its new home in lower Manhattan. Using vertical integration, it will leverage the strengths of each of its constituent entities to design and build a new trophy tower highlighting the Chicago way of designing skyscrapers.
“The podium will be massive!” enthused Chief Product Innovation Officer, Par King. “It’ll be right up to the sidewalk on all four sides, and have vertical slats instead of proper walls, so people walking by can see what kind of cars we drive!”
Asked about the viability of a moving into a new office building in a new city in a post-COVID world, he dismissed the problem as academic. “All the grunt work will still be done by the interns in Chicago. This building is only for C-levels. That’s why we worked extra hard to design a skyscraper that is 100% corner offices.”